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CALL for SUBMISSIONS!!!
ALL artists! I am very, VERY happy to announce that IMPROVIJAZZATION NATION is ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS again. I have been granted a (possibly long-term) stay of execution for my trip to Iraq. I will still be traveling all over the U.S., so new issues may be a little less timely, but (as always), we will review your materials as soon as possible after we receive them. Look at the guidelines for submission below, please:
MUSIC: All formats accepted. Snail mail to: Zzaj Productions, c/o Dick Metcalf, 5308 65th Avenue, Lacey, WA 98513 The only criteria for music you submit is that it MUST HAVE high performance energy... if you submit lacklustre material, it will be reviewed accordingly
POETRY: Poems are accepted for publication ONLY via e-mail. Poems submitted in any other fashion will NOT be published. Poetry that includes some reference to music is granted first priority for publication.
BOOKS: We will review some books; books about music are PREFERRED. We will NOT return any books submitted for review. Snail them to the address listed above for MUSIC.
DIY Announcements: We will post your (e-mailed) ad about DIY projects, regardless of genre or medium... HOWEVER, this is ONLY for INDEPENDENTS... if you are a corporation, don't even BOTHER sending stuff... it will be marked and reported as SPAM!
Improvijazzation Nation - Issue # 66
"George W. Phool"
We caught the "Phool" in a rare state when he visited our dressing room at th' back of th' American Idyll tent at th' ass-end of th' Puyallup Fair... some evil lesbian democrat had administered sodium pentothal to him & dropped him on our couch, mumbling somethin' about "bet you'll never get another interview like THIS, Zzaj"
I've been in the "music business" for well over 25 years now,
PM. What can you do for me in November?
Phool: Ah, to tell th' troof (definite oxymoron for a "Political Man"... ed), ! know a lot about th' music biz-nezz... I use clips from various rock groups (only th' "clean" ones, of course) to suck th' younger folks into my vortex of lies. I would propose a tax to support you players... of course, th' tax would be paid back to th' record companies, so they could get their "fair share" of your blood - & we WOULD get OURS, you know!
Zzaj: Hey, PM, that sounds a little like "payola" to me... how can th' government be involved in corrupt practices?
Phool: Well, whether you realize it or not, we have to monitor all those corrupt practices out there... &, over the years, we've gotten a little "mud" on our hands as a result. You know, politicians are "human", too, Zzaj!
Zzaj: Will you get us out of Iraq soon?
Phool: To be perfectly frank, there's no future in that... running as the "war president" is th' only thing that kept 'leeza from making me wear my dunce cap at th' convention.
Zzaj: During the last year or two, you've started to sound like you actually know how to put a sentence together... who was your "coach"?
Phool: Actually, that dumb-ass hick routine was wearing a bit thin for me as well... the whole schmear was something my dad made me do to "disarm" our enemies. During my next term, I'll give all my speeches at such a high level, even the professors at Harvard won't understand what I'm saying. Either way, I use secret code-words to put th' "real" message out to all my skull-club buddies.
Zzaj: Is your wife Laura really made out of plastic?
Phool: No, I don't think so - though I did notice a funny smell last week when she got her fingers too close to the burners on the oven. Doesn't matter anyway, she's just a "prop" for all those church wackos we're stringin' along.
Zzaj: Going back to your Harvard days, & th' "Skull Club" thing...
Phool: Oh, yeah, those were th' days... we had a BALL! Candlelight ceremonies, a few dead chickens & some of th' guys used to chant inside this five-sided circle...
At that point, we ran out the door, because Phool flashed his frat-ring at us... you'll never GUESS what was stamped on th' FACE....
...maybe he's NOT th' Phool!
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